Change

What is after exchange? 

''It's something unpredictable but in the end
It's right I hope you've had the time of your life'' 

- Time of your life, Green Day 

Still couple of days ago I thought, I would be happy to go home after being 10 months away. Happy to see all the faces I've missed, speak my own language, sleep in my own bed, go all the familiar places.. Happy to settle in my own life. I don't know what happened, but I think I started to realize that there's a possibility that I won't be so happy about it. Of course I'll enjoy to meet all the people I love, but what happens after the couple of first days when the 'novelty' is gone with the wind? How I'm supposed to live my ' own life' when my french life feels much more mine than all that I've left behind last fall. Last two years I've thought only about exchange, but never really what happens after. Now, when I should do my time table for next year, find a summer job etc. I start to realize that there really will be that day when I have to leave and let go.. Because when I left from Finland I knew I'll come back, when I left from here I can come back but it will never be the same.. And that's scary. 

 

Time goes way too fast, what if I don't have enough time to learn and do everything I want? Now after six months I really start to know my friends better and to get clue what's happening in my class. So when I really start to have life here I gotta leave? What's the point in that, may I ask?

Maybe should just try to enjoy next four months and think about home when I'm in Paris with other exchange students and share this then with them, because it's obviously too much to handle right now. So now I just have to try to live in the moment and enjoy. 

 ''We are the reckless,
We are the wild youth
Chasing visions of our futures
One day we'll reveal the truth
That one will die before he gets there''
- Youth, Daughter